26 days!!!!

26 days! so crazy that we are this close. it is all starting to feel so real and i cant believe it. this was the day i talked about for so long and finally got to a point of believing it would never come. when he first left i was so naive. i always said before he left "i know itll be hard..." but i dont think i really understood what hard meant. i officially do. the beginning was the worst. then it got fun with packages and letters. then the middle got so easy that it was hard. i hated how numb i felt. it was so hard to not remember as much. and then after some learning experiences it got exciting again. going through the things i went through made me appreciate this guy so much more than i thought was possible. i cant wait to have him back and to see what the future holds for us. its looking mighty positive and i cant wait to get back to south carolina after both of us being gone from our home for 2 years. (: <3 

February 19th

WOW...i have a plane ticket. A set time and date! I fly to South Carolina to see this amazing guy of mine on February 19th 2015. I land at 9:30pm. It's almost time and I can't begin to tell you how excited but mostly nervous I am. I have started wondering every question from what to wear to what nail polish to have on.....yep that's how I know its real. I'm beyond scared and I know there are no guarantees of anything but I'm pretty confident in us. So crazy to think back to the beginning, to my crazy confusing middle, to my confident now.

mini package idea

super broke?? me too! this package idea is super easy! stole the idea from a family friend. all you need are balloons, expo markers, and an envelope!

STEP 1: blow up the balloon (do not tie)
STEP 2:while holding the air in, write anything you want on it.
STEP 3: deflate the balloon

tip: i wouldnt use a permanent marker or pen...it smears really bad. expo markers work perfectly (:

WHY DIDNT ANYONE TELL ME I WAS BEING DUMB?!

GIRLS?! why didnt anyone tell me i was being dumb?! if you dont know what im talking about, read my last blog post. i know this whole 2 years is different for everyone and so i know dating was what i needed to do. i learned A LOT from it. i hate that it was necessary for my 2 years learning experience but i learned so much. i knew i am in love with Andrew but he is the only person ive ever dated and so it was nice for me to confirm that i really want him not because we found each other first but because hes made perfectly for me. i have 6 months left which is crazy!! in the scheme of things it really is nothing. the time to start all my goals i had planned was yesterday! i am aware that things some times dont work out when they get home if it not meant to but i am finally almost to finding out. ...and i have a good feeling about us (:

it takes 24 months to say "welcome home elder barfield" <3

i havent posted in forever and here is why. i know that i love andrew. i know i do because i remember i do but i dont remember the actual feeling. things havent gotten so routine that i dont feel anything at all. im so numb. yet somehow every guy i go on dates with doesnt match to what i remember i had with him. but then i get scared because what if what i remember is all just made up by me in my head. right now i am currenly going on dates with a guy who has things about him that remind me of andrew. but even now i know that i have to wait to see whats gonna happen with andrew. i cant just not know what could have been or what would have been.

forgotten

so lets be honest today guys. i love this guy. i really do. but im tired of trying to not forget and the pressure that comes with trying not to forget. some days feel so real and i know exactly what im doing and some days i wonder and question. in the end i know this guy is who i need and who i want. i love my best friend.